this and that

Sedikit rekapitulasi keadaan seminggu terakhir…

It’s been quite a though week at work... Though in the sense… dealing with the types of people here. Being treated as a newbie… berasa seperti di-OSPEK… hahaha… my motto these days: “Every new start is always difficult…so hang on, things are gonna get better soon…”

Sekitar hari Rabu nyaris pengen nangis di kantor, untung ada Carla, temen cewek sekantor yang beda segmen… tempat melepaskan uneg-uneg kerjaan… Hari Kamis, managerku habis meeting sama Manager se-Brazil dan bilang kalo company kita lagi krisis… things are bad… kemungkinan bakal terjadi perubahan struktur gaji dan relokasi orang2… Langsung mikir that I’m in a deep shit…

Tambah ga tahan karena setelah mendengar berita tsb, cowo2 sekantor yang orang Brasil… notabene my teammates, langsung mulai complain2 tentang banyak hal… mulai ngomongin seorang trainee orang Aussie yang dianggap ngga bisa kerja dan bergaji besar, ngabis2in duit aja… They are so mean, you know… so arrogant dan so jealous ama orang lain.

Dislike them directly, karena sadar mereka soo mean… karena this Aussie guy is actually a nice person, and I know that his only problems are language barrier and not receiving enough guidance/directions… dan juga sadar bahwa behind my back, mereka juga pasti suka ngomongin aku… wondering kenapa cowo2 di segmenku kok begini2 tipenya… (Rata2 cuma cowo2nya lho ya) Ah, HR, you’re recruiting the wrong type of people…

Talked to a friend on internet, dapet kabar kalo a friend of ours who’s working in Mexico got released… pdhal dia bareng aku mulainya. Dan weekend lalu kita masih chat, dan dia masih cerita2 tentang kerjaannya, betapa sibuk dan capek bgt dan dia benci itu… hmm pdhal rencana awal tadinya dia mau ditransfer ke Brazil lho :(

Denger-denger gosip juga kalo company ku mau release 6000 org worldwide dalam waktu dekat… dengar ini dari beberapa resources yang berbeda-beda… walaupun kebenarannya ga dapat dipertanggungjawabkan, tapi tetep aja bikin tambah resah… :P

Totally ironic… sebenernya ga suka2 amat ama kerjaan ini… tapi begitu dihadapkan ama kemungkinan release dsb… jadi cemas dan melihat kalo kerjaan ini berharga…
Pasrah sih… whatever will be… will be… mudah2an itu yang terbaik…

Anyway, jadi keinget omongannya my recruiter, beberapa bulan setelah aku masuk, pas waktu itu lagi banyak gelombang orang-orang direlease atau mengundurkan diri… Dia bilang bahwa ga ada yang namanya 100% job security… Di bidang apa pun kita kerja dan di posisi apa pun… mau sbg trainee, engineer, manager, CEO, whatever… Kita harus siap kalo sewaktu2 things got bad…

Come to the weekend… things got really nice. On Friday night, I had a nice dinner with a couple of good friends here: Carla and her brother, Leandro, and Karen (my flatmate)… Feel blessed… this kind of things will not happen in Sao Mateus…

On Saturday, there’s a barbecue party on top of our apartment building, where the swimming pool is… Talked and got to know some new people from the office… (Menyadari bahwa ga semua orang punya behaviour seperti cowo2 mean-arrogant-jealous dari cementing and felt happy about it haha…)

Btw, a few days ago, I had a conversation with my flatmate about boys… (standard theme)… and she said that I should wait… wait patiently and not to think about it too much. Cause according to her experience, when the time is right, he is gonna show up, just like that, as if he’s fallen from the sky… haha… sounds too good to be true… but I prefer to believe that for now…

Tadi malam mimpi pergi nonton teater di satu gedung di Eropa… (ada2 aja)… jadi kangen ama teman2 dan masa2 indah di sana. Buka facebook dan lihat foto2 teman2 waktu di Europe... jadi tambah kangen... Kalo kerja di Europe, sepertinya memungkinkan ya untuk dapet regular work hours, free Saturday-Sunday, dan banyak vacation days… jadi bisa jalan2 keliling… hehehe…

Yah begitulah, cerita-ceritaku hari ini...

Going to Handil

I'm off to field tomorrow...!!!!
Wish me luck...
After about 4 months... whewww... hopefully I still remember everything (or at least something)!!!
Mim!! I hope I'll treat your well nicely!!! :)

My first day in Balikpapan

Yes, here I am, in Balikpapan!

Do you wonder how come I'm here? Well, I do too!! It all started about two weeks ago, when my visa for Argentina was not yet ready, and I advised my boss that we start making a contingency plan, cause I need to leave Brazil before 17th of November. Indonesians dont need a visa to stay in Chile, Peru, and Colombia for less than 90 days, so I thought an option would be to send me to a location in one of those countries, as this was also considered before when my tourist visa was about to expire. My company has more activities in Colombia, and my N+2 and N+3 are Colombians, so it seems there's a possibility that I'm going there. Strangely, my boss and his boss seemed reluctant with this idea. (Well, dont ask how I felt... I've heard too about the guerillas and kidnappings and drug cartels there...)

And my boss told me last week (on one sunny beautiful day :D) that he's thinking of sending me to Balikpapan. I am supposed to stay there until my Brazilian working visa is ready. I was surprised and excited off course, and on the other hand, I also think: hey, you should have decided this since 2-3 months ago, sir!! Before I came all the way to Brazil after my vacation! But oh, never mind, better late than never!!

However the plan was only confirmed like on Wednesday last week, cause he need to talk to his boss, and the manager in Balikpapan has to talk with her boss... Long story made short, I left Macae on Saturday, arrived in Jakarta on Monday night, stayed one night at home, and took the morning flight to Balikpapan. Met Antoni at the Balikpapan airport, turned out that we're on the same flight, what a small world!

As always and like I normally am, I am a little bit nervous too right now. Wondering what's gonna happen, can I perform well or meet the expectations etc etc.

Everybody says it should be easier to adapt with everything here, "you've been through worse, in Brazil" the colleagues in Macae told me. Hope that it's true.

Well, my bags are filled with positive energy and optimism. Hope everything's gonna be alright...no, gonna be wonderful here...

Hari ini pengalaman pertama harus presentasi pake bahasa portugis.

Presentasi sama colleagues di base aja, tentang salah satu topik masalah safety. Ceritanya giliran, hari ini dimulai dari aku, besok Marcia, terus 2 trainee cowok yang baru masuk.

Hihihi... Alhamdulillah, it was ok, not too bad... at least orang-orang bisa nangkep what I was talking about. Seneng soalnya mereka kelihatannya menghargai usahaku.

Well, good job! :p

Hari ini sedang merasa hampa.

Sebenernya merasa begini wajar ga ya? Dan ngga ngerti juga kenapa aku merasa begini. Apa karena aku sendirian di sini dan jauh dari siapa-siapa? Apa karena kadang-kadang my existence di kota kecil di pelosok Brasil ini terasa begitu membingungkan?

Btw, my boss from Macae called on Monday and he told me the plan he and his boss have for me. I am going back to Macae.

I am going back to Macae in 6 months. I’ll be staying in Sao Mateus until my visa is expired. Then I’ll go somewhere and work there for 3-4 months. During this time, I should take my one-month vacation (they have decided that also). Then, when my visa is ready, I should return to Macae. And this visa should allow me to stay for another 2 years.

Is this good news? I don’t know. What is good or bad news anyway? Di antara begitu banyak kemungkinan tentang apa yang bakal terjadi seputar visa issue ini, aku pikir kemungkinan terbesar adalah ditransfer permanently ke negara lain di Amerika Latin, seperti yang terjadi sama Ian (kasus visa dia sama ama aku). Good things about going back to Macae: Bahasa masih sama, udah tau keadaan Macae, dan at least orang di Macae percaya aku bisa kerja, sehingga mereka mau nunggu beberapa bulan sampe aku bisa balik. Bad things: so it seems that in the end I shall experience going offshore anyway, it’s not getting any nearer from home, and how about the target of finding someone to get married with?

Membingungkan.

I wish there is a sign; a clue; or at least that I can feel certain what to do next.

Hari ini, gara-gara beberapa hal, pagi-pagi aku marah dan ngomel-ngomel di kantor... And let me tell you something... IT FELT REALLY GOOD... bisa menyalurkan emosi... haha...

So, for those of you out there, yang punya tendensi seperti aku, yaitu cenderung menyimpan perasaan dan mentoleransi orang lain yang bikin salah sama aku... Sekali-sekali marah itu perlu lho... di saat kita diperlakukan ga bener sama orang lain... We must stand up for our selves.

A reminder for myself sih ini sebenernya (untuk memperbaiki salah satu kelemahanku), supaya lebih ekspresif sama perasaan, lebih berani nyerang orang kalo dia emang salah, dan ga perlu takut sama konsekuensinya.

It is so hard today to concentrate on my work; to try to get things done.
Not that I didn’t try, but it seems that my mind is travelling some place else.
I showed the email about the visa to Alexandre, and he said this is a serious matter.
Most likely I’ll go to another place. Permanent transfer, temporarily, or back to Indo? I have no idea.
Oh, my stomache aches when I think about this. Where will I be in 2.5 months?

Whatever that's going to happen, I pray that it's for the best.

Cemented

Yesterday night I cemented my first well.
And it was a disaster! buhuhuhuuuu :((

The density was fluctuating like crazy... And it was quite complicated to control everything all at the same time. The level of cement and mix water, the density, the flow rate, the volume...
And the guy from Petrobras was screaming – amidst the loud noise from the engines – tellling me to reduce the density...
Instead of opening/closing the cement valve little by little, I operated it like turning a steering wheel, full turn, right and left!
Damn!! :D
Thank God I didnt get frantic when I was up on the unit and in the end we all laughed about it.

Everybody said it's okay, it's normal, it happens to every first-timer. (I hope they are being honest here!)
Robo, the very old supervisor who went with me was very sweet and taught me everything patiently. (I owe him a lot!)
Hope Alexandre (my boss here) wont take a piece out of me when I meet him on Monday!
And I hope next time it's gonna get better!

For now, I just wanna forget about it for a while and enjoy my saturday night without thinking of anything related to work at all!

Sometimes work can be very boring! B-O-R-I-N-G!!!
Ugh, if only I have more friends here... more things to do, more places to hang out at…

P.S.
Today I met David, my ex-flatmate in Macae. He is transferred permanently to Aracaju, and now he is having his days off. He's driving all the way from Macae to Aracaju, and today he stopped by in Sao Mateus just to say hi to the guys at the base.

Shared some stories with him. He did his breakout already (how I envy him - in a good way :p - for that). Ah, he reminds me of my fun-and-depressing-both-at-the-same-time life in Macae.

Miss him and Gleb and Gustavo.

Time passes by and moments never repeat.

There were four of us in the apartment. And now, Gustavo is in Argentina, David in Aracaju, Gleb in Tulsa, and me, here.

Ok, stop being melancholic and better focus more on my work and put all efforts to do my breakout. Yeah right... *Sigh*... I'll try... I'll try...

Dengerin ya...
aku paling ga tahan sama engineer2 cowo yang snob dan sok tahu, yang merasa dirinya udah jago dan tahu banyak, dan jadinya sok nge-judge dan menyepelekan orang lain.

Hrrgrgrggghhhh... Menyebalkan!!!

Moving In

I’m now living in a city called Sao Mateus, north of Macae and Rio. It’s a land location. I don’t have any idea until when I’ll be staying here. Maybe a few months, maybe longer.
Currently I’m trying to fit in to everything. To the new people, new base, new customs, new city. Everybody in Macae said the people here are nice and that I’ll like it here. I sure hope they are right.

Some interesting things:

Di sini tiap jam 9 pagi dan jam 3 sore ada coffee break. Kalo jam 9 pagi, menunya kopi susu dan roti pake keju atau daging. Kalo sore, menunya kopi (w/o milk) dan buah-buahan. Nyummy, perut ga pernah terasa kosong selama di sini :D

Kalo pergi ngejob biasanya pada bekel cool box buat ditaro di pick-up. Ntar sambil isi bensin, cool box bakal diisi sama berbagai minuman dan es batu… Hmm asik deh minum dingin pas lagi panas2 di rig…

Di sini akhirnya aku punya temen cewe, namanya Marcia. So far she’s been so nice to me. :)

Not so interesting things:

Disini kalo ke base dan pulang tiap hari musti jalan kaki, sekali jalan kurang lebih setengah jam. Masalahnya bukan di jarak sih, tapi kadang panassssss banget :(

Biasanya kalo lunch aku juga pulang, jadi in total sehari pulang-pergi 2 kali. Anehnya, tambah kurus engga (diduga keras pengaruh coffee break), tapi tambah item iya.

Just a quick update...

I wrote to my personnel manager abt my current situation. He told me if this week I still cant go offshore, we should arrange for my temporary transfer to a land location. Good news for me. I hope my direct manager wont get upset by this. Hey, anyway, I coincidentally met the personnel manager last week, and he coincidentally asked me how my training is going and asked me to email him... However, I got the feeling that the transfer process (IF I'll be transferred) will not happen that fast or that smooth.

And my chance of going offshore this week is also nil. From IOC, Cadu said, no accommodation for woman is available on the rig. Petrobras, my SISPAT's not finished yet (too much paperwork and it is getting even more complicated because I'm a foreigner), and even if I got my SISPAT already, there's still no vacant place available too.

Anyway, another news is coming. Since I came back from school, I stayed in the apartment for Stimulation with 3 other guys. They are my real friends here, people I can talk to (about work and other stuff). Two of them left to Aracaju 2 weeks ago (temporary transfer) so since then the person I can talk to here is down to one. Yesterday this guy found out that he's going to be transferred (permanently) to Argentina. Good for him; I'm glad really, he's been waiting for this for a while.

The only 'small' problem is that, I'm gonna be alone now. Alone in the apartment, and also alone in the base. I'm gonna miss him. Ga ada lagi tempat ngadu dan curhat soal kerjaan dan kalo lagi bete2 di kantor... huhuhu... Ga ada lagi yang rela bawa2 aku buat nonton2 bola bareng, barbeque-an or nonton samba... oh well, yeah, I know it's part of the job and I should get used to this.

Gonna miss you my dear friend...Thanks 4 everything... :)

Oh God,
Things are not running smoothly lately
Tough times... tough times...

Why is everything so wrong?
I know, I know things can get worse, I know I'm still lucky enough,
I know, that everytime I think that things are bad, they get even worse.

5 months to go to reach the time of 1 year in the company.
Can I survive until then? Will I stay afterwards?
Why am I so f*cked up?

Jadi teringat sesuatu yang kita sepakati bersama waktu di school, one weekend in a small restaurant in Newark.

In this company, at any given time, everybody is very close to quitting the job.

Guys, we were right.
Well, maybe I'm not in a good mood that's all.

It's gonna pay-off. Someday it's gonna pay-off. Someday it's gonna pay-off.
In whichever form it may take.

Let's say that over and over and over today.

Geez, I think I really need to have someone to talk to, and fast.
Cause I might end up littering this blog with very unimportant and daily rubish.
(Don't get me wrong, I do have some friends here, but it's just that... we're not that close yet)

It’s another boooooooooooooring day in the base. I mean, have you ever felt so bored that you feel like you want to cry? Well, I didn’t cry, but I really felt like to.
My mood became so horrible and I became so grumpy.

And my boss (probably due to coincidence) asked me how I am doing (Tudo tranquil?). Oh, it was like pouring a gasoline to a fire. I just said yeah, sure (because another engineer was there and mainly because we were talking in Portuguese and in Portuguese I cant speak too much). And then a few minutes later I rushed to his room discussing my situations.

We talked quite long. Actually nothing new there, he was just telling me that it’s alright, it’s normal… this is a location with low activity, few jobs but big money, etc etc. Be patient… you can do this and this… etc etc…

Hmm, on the other hand, I don’t know what people think about me making this move. Because they looked at me differently after I finished talking with my boss. Did I take too much time talking? Hmm… cause I don’t really understand the culture of people here…
The last thing I wanna do is showing off or kissing somebody’s (especially boss’) ass.
Nevermind, I just don’t care.

Banyak banyak banyak yang mo diceritain…

Well, pertama2, I’m still at the base. Stuck. Low activity. Offshore, only a very limited number of people is allowed on the platform. Woman, accommodation limitations. Bla bla bla. In terms of job, it’s been pretty boring.

In terms of love life, yeah, also boring. Got in touch once or twice with this oh-so-not-important guy I met in school. The reality hit me again (for the n-th time) that the kind of guy I’m looking for most probably live on the other side of the planet, which made me end up questioning myself: ‘then what the #$%& am I doing here?’

Perhaps I mentioned it before somewhere in my older posts, or maybe I didn’t…well, anyway…
(I am writing this while thinking about all the crazy things I did…)
I often feel that this job is forcing me to do things I fear and I dislike the most… to be comfortable speaking in public, to be a leader, to have very good social skill, to speak up and stand up for myself, to feel OK to be different, to jump to the sea and swim 100 meters to a lifeboat for the sake of a certificate called Basic Survival Training, not to bother when I am left out sometimes…

I hope and I pray that, the end of this (whenever and however that may be) will be a happy ending.

One (or two) of the best remedies to a broken heart is… stay busy and tired.

For that reason, it’s good to be back at the base. Meeting all these not so new people, trying to make friends and getting to know everybody. Not much things to do at the base just yet. But, good news is, I’ll embark soon. I’ll go off-shore for the first time. Most probably I’ll spend the New Year’s Eve on the rig.

Great, I want to know how living on off-shore rigs really is. I hope I’ll enjoy it. And I want to go offshore as much as possible now, so that I get lots of days-off. And then I would like to go home even if it’s only for a short time. Miss home so much.

Well, in case I don’t have time to make a new post soon, I’d like to wish you Happy New Year… my best wishes for the coming year; success, happiness… and hopefully each of us can be a better person next year.

I am registered for school starting October 22nd.
My boss in Macae emailed me telling me to increase all efforts so that I can be ready at that time.
I don’t have much time.
Bruno had 6 months of pre-school.
Alessandra had 5 months.
I would have only 2,5 months.
But, pls pls pls God… I don’t want my school to be delayed…
I hope I can pass the entrance test and go to school according to that schedule.
I just want to end this intimidation as soon as possible.